Lisa Sykes on Overcoming the Fear of Judgment to Build Your Doula Business
Lisa Sykes, a doula who advocates for women in the birth space, says the fear of judgment is what holds most doulas back, not external barriers. She tells doulas to focus on their mission and the people who need their services, not on irrelevant opinions like those of a middle-aged man who watches rugby.
This episode is about ruthless self-honesty and mission-driven entrepreneurship. Lisa Sykes shares her journey from hiding flyers in pregnancy books to building a business that supports women worldwide. If you're struggling to show up, to be seen, or to keep going when it feels hard, this conversation will reframe everything.
Is it really about the work, or is it about you?
You think building your doula business is hard because the market is saturated, or because you don't have the right training, or because your community doesn't value birth work. Lisa Sykes calls bullshit on all of it.
The real problem is internal: you're terrified of being judged. You're terrified of looking like a dickhead.
Lisa Sykes explains it bluntly: "My mission has to be big enough that looking like a dickhead doesn't matter to you, that what people think doesn't matter to you." She tells a story about her husband running into an old acquaintance who admitted he unfollowed her on social media because she posted too much. Her response? Laughter. Because that middle-aged rugby fan was never her key demographic.
You're giving away your power to people who aren't even relevant. You're worried about what your mom thinks, what your sister thinks, what that girl from high school thinks. Meanwhile, the person who is desperate for your services is out there searching, and you're hiding because you're afraid someone might unfollow you.
Your mission matters more than their opinion
Lisa Sykes didn't build her business by playing small. She pounded the streets as a new doula in 2010, hiding flyers inside pregnancy books at bookstores, volunteering at baby cafes, driving an hour to home birth groups every Sunday morning. She did all of this with two kids under two and a teenager at home.
She was willing to do the uncomfortable, unglamorous work because her mission was bigger than her fear. She knew that the families who needed her were worth more than the comfort of staying invisible.
If you want to build a doula business that actually supports you financially and emotionally, your mission has to be loud enough to drown out the fear of what people think. Lisa Sykes puts it this way: "If the mission is great enough, then the pain doesn't even come into it for me. The payoff is always on the way if you keep taking those steps in alignment with what you want to do."
Stop asking yourself, "What will they think?" and start asking, "Who needs me right now?"
Don't give away your power to people who don't matter
Lisa Sykes shared a moment that stopped me in my tracks. Her husband was at a rugby weekend and ran into someone they knew from years ago. The guy told Keith, "I'm really sorry, I had to unfollow Lisa because I was just sick of seeing her posts."
Lisa's reaction? She laughed her head off. Because this middle-aged man who watches rugby was never her ideal client. He was never going to hire her, support her mission, or care about the work she does. And yet, so many doulas would hear that feedback and shrink. They would post less. They would soften their message. They would hide.
Lisa Sykes refused to give her power away to someone who didn't matter. She stayed laser-focused on the person who was literally desperate for what she had to offer.
You need to do the same. Stop worrying about the people who unfollow you, who think you're too much, who don't get it. They are not your people. Your people are the ones who see your posts and think, "Thank God someone finally said that."
How did Lisa Sykes go from being homeless to building a successful business?
Lisa Sykes left school at 15. She got married young, became a mom at 20, and was divorced by 23. She walked away from that marriage with nothing but her two-year-old daughter, no job, and no place to live. She went to welfare, cap in hand, and said, "I have nowhere to live, I have no job." Within weeks, she had a job. She and her daughter lived in a house with spiders and horrible carpets, and they built their way back up.
She bought a car. She bought her own house. She put her daughter in a private school. On paper, her life looked great. But internally, she was terrified that this was it. That Monday to Friday, nine to five, until retirement was all there was.
So she quit. Again. She walked away from a stable, well-paying career because the fear of staying in that narrow life was greater than the fear of the unknown.
Lisa Sykes's story is proof that the hardest thing holding you back is not your circumstances. It's your willingness to walk away from what's comfortable and bet on yourself.
What does Lisa Sykes say about dealing with judgment when building a doula business?
Lisa Sykes does not sugarcoat it: "Victims never win." If you're stuck in a victim mentality (if you're telling yourself it's too hard, the market is too saturated, no one values birth work) you are going to make small, narrow decisions based on fear.
But here's the truth: it has never been easier to build a doula business. You have a device in your hand that can connect you with hundreds of thousands of people in your area. You can reach professionals and potential clients without ever leaving your house. Lisa Sykes was pounding the streets, hiding flyers in bookstores, volunteering for free just to get her name out there. She did that with two kids under two and a teenager at home.
You have it so much easier. The only thing stopping you is your fear of being seen and judged.
Lisa Sykes explains: "The fear of the judgment, of being seen, of getting it wrong in front of everyone, that's the real root problem. What is everyone else thinking about what I'm doing? But I was laser-focused and tunnel vision on the people that I wanted to talk to and the mission that I'm trying to create."
If you want to build a doula business that actually works, you need to stop worrying about judgment and start showing up for the people who need you.
Is it normal to feel like I'm not getting any doula clients even though I'm trying?
If you're trying to get clients but nothing is happening, Lisa Sykes would ask you: are you actually trying, or are you trying while hiding?
Are you posting on social media but making your message so soft and palatable that it doesn't connect with anyone? Are you networking but avoiding the conversations that actually lead to bookings? Are you putting yourself out there but pulling back the moment you feel uncomfortable?
Lisa Sykes launched her first program and talked about it constantly until she was blue in the face. She was sick to death of talking about it. Nobody was booking yet, but she kept going because the mission was too important to give up.
If you're not getting clients, the problem is not your training, your packages, or your community. The problem is that you're not being bold enough, consistent enough, or clear enough about who you serve and why they need you.
Why should doulas like me demand more for ourselves and our businesses?
Lisa Sykes has always been someone who demands more. Not out of entitlement, but out of belief in her own capacity. She left school at 15 and got herself in front of people until she landed a job reserved for graduates. She walked away from a marriage with nothing and built a life for herself and her daughter. She quit a stable corporate career because she knew there was more.
At every stage of her journey, she has asked herself: is this it? And every time, the answer has been no. Not because what she has isn't good enough, but because she knows she's capable of more.
Lisa Sykes says: "Wherever you are on your journey, just remember that this isn't it. Get really good at this, but know that as you're on that journey of getting really great at what you do, other sparks of inspiration and creativity just keep coming to you."
You should demand more because you're capable of more. You should demand more because the families you serve deserve a doula who is fully resourced, fully supported, and fully compensated. You should demand more because settling for less is a disservice to your mission.
The real story: hiding flyers, pounding the streets, and building from nothing
Lisa Sykes did not build her business from a place of privilege or ease. When she trained as a doula in 2010, Facebook was barely a thing. She spent her time pounding the streets, hiding flyers inside pregnancy books at bookstores, and volunteering at breastfeeding cafes and home birth groups. She drove an hour every Sunday morning to volunteer, just to get her name out there.
She had two kids under two and a teenager at home. She had no financial support. She was doing all of this while building a life for herself and her family.
She wasn't waiting for the perfect time or the perfect strategy. She was doing the unglamorous, uncomfortable work because her mission was bigger than her fear.
That's the difference between doulas who build successful businesses and doulas who stay stuck. The ones who succeed are willing to do the hard, awkward, uncomfortable work without knowing if it will pay off.
What happens when you need external support to maintain this mindset
Lisa Sykes has always had a coach or mentor. Even after she completed her doula certification and no longer needed a mentor, she stayed with hers for 11 years. She has never gone through a period of her business without some kind of mentorship.
Why? Because you cannot see the wood for the trees when you're inside your own life. Your nose is pressed against the window of your own experience, and you need someone with perspective to help you see what's actually happening.
Lisa Sykes explains: "You often need someone with that perspective. It's the reason why I've never had a period of time from that day to this where I've not had some kind of mentorship."
If you're trying to build a doula business alone, you're making it harder than it needs to be. You need someone who has been where you are, who understands the internal fears and external challenges, and who can help you see the path forward when you're too close to see it yourself.
Gratitude and desire can exist at the same time
Lisa Sykes had a moment walking across a footbridge in Paris when she turned to her husband and said, "I can have anything that I want." That moment had nothing to do with money. It was about realizing that she could create anything she wanted, that her desires were valid, and that she didn't have to apologize for wanting more.
She says: "Gratitude and desire can exist at the same time. In fact, they are non-negotiable in my life. Grateful and desire, both of those."
You don't have to choose between being grateful for what you have and wanting more. You can be deeply grateful for your life, your clients, and your business while also being ambitious, driven, and hungry for the next level.
If you've been apologizing for your ambition, stop. Your desire for more is not a sign of ingratitude. It's a sign that you're capable of more.
Frequently Asked Questions
How did Lisa Sykes go from being homeless to building a successful business?
Lisa Sykes walked away from her marriage at 23 with her two-year-old daughter, no job, and no place to live. She went to welfare, found a job within weeks, and slowly built her life back up. She later quit a stable corporate career to become a doula, pounding the streets and hiding flyers in bookstores to get clients. Her success came from refusing to let fear of judgment or fear of the unknown stop her from betting on herself.
What does Lisa Sykes say about dealing with judgment when building a doula business?
Lisa Sykes teaches that the fear of judgment is the real barrier, not external circumstances. She says your mission must be big enough that "looking like a dickhead doesn't matter to you." She shares a story about a man unfollowing her on social media because she posted too much, and her response was laughter because he was never her ideal client. Stop worrying about irrelevant opinions and focus on the people who desperately need your services.
Is it normal to feel like I'm not getting any doula clients even though I'm trying?
Yes, but Lisa Sykes would challenge you to examine whether you're truly putting yourself out there or just going through the motions while hiding. She launched her first program and talked about it constantly, even when no one was booking yet, because the mission was too important to give up. If you're not getting clients, the issue is likely that you're not being bold, consistent, or clear enough about who you serve and why they need you.
Why should doulas like me demand more for ourselves and our businesses?
Lisa Sykes has always demanded more. Not out of entitlement, but out of belief in her own capacity. She left school at 15, walked away from a marriage with nothing, and quit a stable career because she knew she was capable of more. She teaches that you should demand more because you're capable of it, because the families you serve deserve a fully resourced doula, and because settling for less is a disservice to your mission. Gratitude and desire can coexist.
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